Feel Guilty Focusing on Yourself?

When I was raising my two kids, I often said in complete despair, “I am done being a mom.” Usually it was after 8:00 pm and the kids should have been in bed. I was exhausted by the constant questions, little feet stepping on my feet, kids pulling on me or needing something. If you are mom, you know just what I mean.

I often said, “My bucket is completely empty. Until something is put back into the bucket, I cannot give or do another thing for anyone.”

We laugh about it now because the kids did not understand the bucket idea and they were very confused about how I was no longer their mother. I was pretty young when I had kids (25 and 27), so I never thought too much about it or analyzed whether they would understand what I meant. I just did MOM as it came to me.

I didn’t have time to read books on how to do it right and didn’t think to ask others for help. Funny thing . . .  my kids will understand EXACTLY what I meant when they have kids of their own. They sure turned out to be great people, either because of or despite my proclamations.

Guilty for Staying Home

What I needed to have done is spend time each day filing up my own bucket. I needed to focus on my own needs once in a while to ensure that I could tend to their’s properly. There were many reasons why I did not do either. My husband traveled 90% of the time and I was not working. Our finances were limited by MY choice to stay home. I felt guilty about spending time and money on myself. I am pretty sure everyone suffered because of it.

What Healthy Moms / People Do

I frequently see mothers stressed out. I was completely stressed out. Perhaps this is inevitable when you have kids. It feels like there is no time to read, learn something new, hangout with friends, or have a nice phone conversation. But, dang! That is just what we need to do to be good people and patient parents. You will raise healthier children if they see you making good decisions about your own self and happiness.

The healthiest mothers find time to go for a run, walk, or work out a few times a week. They take a class or go to a concert once in a while. They foster friendships that remind them of who they once were. They volunteer for a cause they are passionate about. There is no GUILT in this. It is essential for the health and well-being of the entire family.

Take Away

I believe women are raised and are inherently inclined to tend to others first. As with anything, this has to be in balance. When we focus only on others, losing ourselves in the process, we are not doing anyone any good. Hate to sound cliché, but remember . . .

“If mama’s not happy, ain’t no one happy.”

How do you fill up your bucket so that you can give to others and be patient with your kids/spouse? Please share with us in the comments below.